The Psychology of Winning

Denis Waitley

The 10 Qualities of a Total Winner

Quality 1:  Positive Self-Expectancy 

"Life is a self fulfilling prophecy. True winners go into every event expecting to win."

Positive self-expectancy is the first, most outwardly identifiable quality of a top-achieving, winning human being. Positive self-expectancy is pure and simple optimism: real enthusiasm for everything you do... [while] expecting the most favorable result from your own actions. There never was a winner who didn't expect to win in advance. Winners understand that life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. And they know that you usually get what you expect in the long run.There is a marketing strategy lurking out there that I can’t begin to explain, though I know it works. It’s something I’ve heard called the power of positive expectancy. Now don’t go and get all new age phobic on me, just stop and think about it.How often have you expected that something would work and it did? Now, flip that around, how often did you just absolutely known that something was going to fail – and guess what – it did?I wish I could go beyond this notion of positive thinking and explain in quantum physics terminology that actual workings of this but, I’m a results person. If it gets results, I don’t always need to know why. You’ve got to believe your marketing will payoff or you won’t bring to it the proper energy and enthusiasm required to work through the trial and error phase.Have you ever tried to sell something that you didn’t really believe in? On the other hand, have you ever found yourself so excited about a product or service that people bought from you because they almost had to?This notion of expecting and receiving success is widely accepted in self-help, philosophical and spiritual circles. Business owners sometimes feel the need for cold hard facts and statistics – logical explanations. But think about this for a minute. When was the last time you made a purchase for purely logical reasons. Almost every buying decision ever made was based on emotion and rationalized with logic.

Quality 2: Positive Self-Motivation 

"True winners dig deep and find motivation inside themselves to get through that tough task or to learn a new skill."

Keep motivators around your work area – things that give you that initial spark to get going.. Make more regular encounters with positive and motivated people. This could be as simple as IM chats with peers or a quick discussion with a friend who likes sharing ideas.. Read and try to take in everything you can. The more you learn, the more confident you become in starting projects.. See the good in bad. When encountering obstacles, you want to be in the habit of finding what works to get over them.. Just do. If you find motivation for a particular project lacking, try getting started on something else. Something trivial even, then you’ll develop the momentum to begin the more important stuff.. Keep notes on when your motivation sucks and when you feel like a superstar. There will be a pattern that, once you are aware of, you can work around and develop. Keep a tally or a progress bar for ongoing projects. When you see something growing you will always want to nurture it. Share your ideas and help friends get motivated. Seeing others do well will motivate you to do the same. Write about your success and get feedback from readers.

Quality 3: Positive Self-Image

True winners are confident and view themselves as competent, valuable human beings.

When children are young, they’re carefree and don’t care what anybody thinks about them because they’re happy right at that moment.  They’re their own characters because they haven’t been made to fit in with a society that frowns upon that.  The have fun running, playing, and jumping where ever they are and don’t care what anybody thinks.  Children are simply pure light and love.When people get in touch with their inner child, they become free by playing, enjoying the moment, and having fun.  They need to understand just how serious and stiff they’ve become and tap back into that which has been forgotten.  People seem to play roles to fit in and crush their true nature because they fear what others will think.  Be free and have fun!People need to embrace themselves and their personalities no matter how different they are from others.  They could be an extrovert who’s spontaneous or an introvert who’s a bit awkward.  These are just labels that aren’t important because a person is what they feel and think.One needs to relax and get rid of all the pretending and never change their self because they want to fit in.  They need just to be themselves and find their strengths regardless of who ever they may face.  It other people are genuine; they’ll accept this “real” person.

Quality 4: Positive Self-Direction

You gotta have direction if you are going to go anywhere. True winners know where they are going. Their sense of direction comes from the self and not from outside influences like parents or friends.

Winning self-direction is setting goals that are profitable to you and your loved ones.  They should be specific because the mind does operate like a homing torpedo or a computer reading its disk.  Like a robot on automatic pilot, what you get is what you set.  But it can't compute without specific data.  It can't relate to nebulas, vague or general terms like enough money, wealth, peace, happiness, or just doing better.  It responds to $6,000 a month, a new BMW, a desired weight of 175 pounds, let's say, for a man of average build.On a sheet of paper write down what would give you the most fulfillment out of your work and your life.  But be specific.  The more defined, the better the aim and the focus.You see, that's why it's so vital that you share your goals only with other positive goal setters and support coaches.  Because misery is always looking for a growing ground.  Never share a goal with someone who is likely to flood your garden of dreams and rain on your parade with a downpour of negative reactions.Woodrow Wilson summed up his belief in the power of goals like this, he said, "We grow great by dreams and goals.  All big successes are big dreamers.  They see things in the red fire of a long winter's evening or through the mist of a rainy day.  Some of us let these great dreams die, but others nourish and protect them through the bad days until they bring them to the sunshine and the light which always come to those who sincerely believe that their dreams will come true."

Quality 5: Positive Self-Control

Total winners can sacrifice immediate pleasure for a gain in the future. Delayed gratification is of immense value in reaching your goals.

Self-control separates us from our ancient ancestors and the rest of the animal kingdom, thanks to our large prefrontal cortex. It is the ability to subdue our impulses in order to achieve longer-term goals. Rather than responding to immediate impulses, we can plan, evaluate alternative actions, and, often enough, avoid doing things we'll later regret. The ability to exert self-control is typically called willpower. It is what allows us to direct our attention, and it underlies all kinds of achievement. There is significant debate in science as to whether or not willpower is a finite resource. Studies demonstrate that exercising willpower makes heavy demands on mental energy, notably on reserves of glucose, the brain's preferred fuel, creating ego depletion. It's one reason we're more apt to reach for that chocolate chip cookie when we're feeling stressed than when we're feeling on top of the world. Recently, scientists have failed to replicate some of the studies underlying the concept of ego depletion, and more research is underway.

Quality 6: Positive Self-Discipline

You have to discipline yourself or else someone else will discipline you into doing what they want you to do. Total winners have the power to discipline and take control of their lives.

You won't magically wake up one day with superhuman willpower. Instead, you need a strategy to help you build mental muscle.Whether you want to increase good habits--like going to the gym more often--or you want to eliminate bad habits--like watching too much TV--you'll need a plan to turn your intentions into action. Outline clear action steps you will start taking on a daily basis.Ignoring your pitfalls won't make them go away. So whether eating cookies is the downfall to your weight loss or checking social media sabotages your productivity, acknowledge your weaknesses. Recognizing your weaknesses is the first step in creating positive change.You won't gain self-discipline to lose weight if you keep your house stocked with junk food. Instead, you'll wear yourself out trying to resist every cookie, brownie, and chip.Limiting temptations can help you slowly build more self-discipline over time. If your weakness involves checking social media every two minutes, find an app that blocks access to Facebook. Or, if you can't resist overspending when you go to the store, leave your credit card at home and carry cash only. 

Quality 7: Positive Self-Esteem

Your mood and outlook on life affect the way you see the world and how you interact in it. Total winners are positive, powerful people who make people feel good and provide a good vibe to those around him/her.

You are capable of acting more assertive without any guilt. Communication with other people is easy and natural.You don’t spend too much time dwelling on the past. You live in the present moment doing the best you can. The past is gone, and you know that you cannot do anything about it.You are equal to everyone. You know that nobody is better or worst than you. You pose the ability to recognize the difference in others, like particular talents.You do not allow others to manipulate you. Because you know how to be assertive you can easily handle this situation with a different attitude.You recognize and accept a variety of feelings, positive or negatives, and you share them with another person if you think it is healthy for the relationship.You enjoy different activities like work, play, walk, relax, etc. Balance is necessary.You accept challenges and take risks to grow. Because you accept yourself as you are, you are aware that you are not perfect. Is something goes wrong you learn from it.You handle criticism easily without taking it personally. You know that you are learning and growing and are mostly independent of the good and bad opinions of others. Because of this, you can discern when criticism is a feedback that is going to help you or is going to draw you down.You value yourself, and you communicate better with other people. You are not afraid to express your feelings, likes, and dislikes.You value and accept other people as they are, meaning that you don’t try to change them.

Quality 8: Positive Self-Dimension

Total winners like in the present. They know that now is all there is. They don’t get caught up in the past or worry about the future. They simply handle the business that they can handle which is the stuff going on today, now.

life with certain predispositions, qualities of being and strengths. As we develop, our natural strengths and ways of coping are covered over, and limiting characteristics, beliefs, emotions and behaviors take their place. These limitations generate a feeling of emptiness, a lack or a flaw which we reproduce through our beliefs and behaviors thus creating suffering while we try to change others. In this workshop we will have the opportunity to stimulate change from within instead—enhancing our capacity for love, life and work. it is helpful to use a working model that honors our uniqueness and at the same time helps us recognize our personality orientation with its strengths and limitations. The Five Phase (Element) Model of Chinese Medicine represents a way of understanding the world, ourselves and others, a theory of personality and a description of the evolution of our being. Traditional metaphors such as fire, earth, metal, water and wood describe aspects of our being including physical, emotional, mental and spiritual functions as well as principles and qualities of being. this in-depth self-exploratory workshop will offer the opportunity to work with aspects of our being. For self-development it is vital to understand our strengths and limitations in each of the five phases as well as our predisposition towards our preferred personality orientation.

Quality 9: Positive Self-Awareness

Total winners are aware of their power. They understand that they can be anything with enough effort and determination.

We might quickly assume that we are self aware, but it is helpful to have a relative scale for awareness. If you have ever been in an auto accident you may have experienced everything happening in slow motion and noticed details of your thought process and the event. This is a state of heightened awareness. With practice we can learn to engage these types of heightened states and see new opportunities for interpretations in our thoughts, emotions, and conversations. Having awareness creates the opportunity to make changes in behavior and beliefs.

Quality 10: Positive Action

Total winners take positive action in their business and with their friends and family. They are uplifting and motivating individuals who inspire the best from themselves and other

Blueprints for Healthy Youth Development, an initiative of the Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence at the Institute of Behavioral Science, University of Colorado Boulder, has identified Positive Action as one of 10 Model Programs that meet its highest scientific standard of effectiveness.

Funded by the Annie E. Casey Foundation, Blueprints has reviewed more than 1,100 programs since 1996. Only about 50 have qualified for Blueprints Promising Model certification, and just 10 of those have met the Model standard.

Only those programs with strong scientific evidence of effectively improving developmental outcomes in the areas of behavior, education, emotional well-being, physical health, and positive relationships are designated.

Published, peer-reviewed, scientific studies are the key to knowing what works. Blueprints reviews research studies and the quality of their evidence of program effectiveness, seeking strong methodological grounding, clearly defined goals, and reliably positive results.